he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
