Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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