you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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