I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
