when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize