so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my shit smells like andre
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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