All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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