you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
