dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
