i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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