dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
