There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
