So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
