she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
