Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
