You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
