friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
