Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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