you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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