Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
