Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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