my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
