I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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