I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You can't special order awesome
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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