Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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