I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
