I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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