It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize