Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize