I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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