I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
