Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
