Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
