I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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