it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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