thus making me awesome and them whores
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
