Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
