i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
