My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
