she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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