If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
