I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
