I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize