we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
