i just had sex bonerless
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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