He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Help. Why am I so naked?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
