i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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