I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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