Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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