Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
