I am spending my child support on dildos
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
