I will die if light touches me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
