I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
