My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize