She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
...so i touched it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
