I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
