Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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