Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
