lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
