i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
