Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
