ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
